loving... in silence

it has been quite a while since i last post a blog in my page. for the past few weeks had been a hell season for me because of a lot of works to finish especially the seoul events. and maybe because i got a little disappointed because until now, i do not know how my blogs will be accepted in the payperblog site... grrr!!!

my trip to seoul was tiring yet enjoyable... sitting in the grass of seoul plaza right in the middle of the busy city gave me sometime to think and assess some aspects in me. how i wish im with my close friend now whom i can share what im feeling and thinking right now. as of the moment, my only confidante is my blog page...writing this may be a suicide but its the only way i can somehow unleash the confusion that im experiencing at this very moment.

it should not happen, i know its not right.. but yes, i think im falling for someone whom i think i should not fall with in the first place... being with him has never been a dull moment for me however, being with him also is difficult because of practical/obvious reasons...

as much as i want to say how much i miss him, i just can't because i have to keep the line between us otherwise, i may end up hurting. i tried to fight against it, but everytime i do, i just miss him more and more...

i try not to know more about his personal life because it would only add to my heavy feeling or maybe im just to coward to face the truth about him...

i love him in silence... for in silence there's no expectations, no rejections, and most especially, no other person is hurt...

where we are right now, nobody knows. i don't want to ask because it might complicate what we both enjoy right now. how long will i love him in silence... i don't know.

what's in a name?

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

my mentor... my friend...

it started with a glass of red wine... followed by a bottle of red wine..and another bottle of red wine... and four shots of gin tonic.... that's how my special friend and i shared our first moments of friendship. over these few shots, or should i say alcoholic exchange of thoughts, we were able to learn a few things from one another... something that i haven't done since i started working...

we met because of work but i did not expect that we will be seeing each other often after that one toxic night. it was real fun being with him, fun in the sense that i did not have a single boring moment with him... we discuss a lot of things about life, work and dreams... i even consider him my mentor because he always push me to reach for my dreams and to focus on something that i love doing most.

a man with an excellent career background yet still stay humble and sweet.... he is my mentor.. and he is my friend...

about a man

it sometimes annoys me when the my friends and family would push me to find a nice guy.. get married.. and have kids. yes, i know im not getting any younger and since im an only child, i need to have atleast two children to continue my tribe.however, i think i should not look for it... i still believe that the right man for me will come in due time... but the big question is... when?!

as i was walking on my home a while ago, i sudden felt something is missing in me... on sunday, another year will add to my age... that means another year will be subtracted to my chance of being young... it has been years since i felt excited having a date during my birthday or maybe my previous birthday dates were not really meant to be birthday dates...

but what confuses me most is that i really do not feel the need of having someone right now.... yes, i get lonely at times but when someone potential is already in front of me.. that longingness suddenly disappear.... weird, or even scary, as it may seem but the more i clearly see my career path, the narrower my desire to end up with someone.

am i naive?frigid or what? i guess im not because i get fascinated to guys too... maybe i did already find the guy for me but i chose to pursue my career... or maybe he is just around the corner waiting for the right time to be with me... or maybe we still have not crossed our paths yet... or maybe its not just my time yet...

back to my reflections while walking along the streets of bell road and honchodori... i asked myself, what do i real look for in a man... after a fews thoughts, not a single word crossed my mind...

as i open my door, i just give a long sigh and stopped thinking about it... sometimes, things happen unexpectedly but for a reason.. if not today, there's always the next time :)

megamall incident

LET THIS TRUE STORY SERVE AS A WARNING

To the men: warn your loved ones !
To the women: remember this!

About a month ago there was a woman standing by the Mega Mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women.

The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her
car and discovered that she had a flat. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat. A nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said,

"I notice you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"

The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off. The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift to his car. She was a little surprised and asked him why his car was on other side. He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and visited for a while; he got turned around in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his car was clear around on the other side of the mall. The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.

She told him that she'd be happy to drive him to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be. She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened; the guard came out to her car with her, but the man
had left.

They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station. The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man). What they found was rope, duct tape and knives. When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious what the man's motive was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance.

The woman was blessed to have escaped harm. How much worse it would have been had she waited in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she had a baby strapped into a car seat. Or if she'd gone against her judgment and given him a lift.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only; but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it on to them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it.... better than sorry.


PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY! JUST A WARNING TO ALWAYS BE ALERT AND USE YOUR HEAD!!!

Pass this along to every woman you have access to. Never let your guard down. SOMETIMES, THAT FEELING IN YOUR GUT IS THE VOICE OF GOD. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!

deciding for the future

thirty minutes before six pm, my friend.officemate decided to make a declaration that she will no longer continue doing her min-thesis to be submitted to melbourne university in order to get her masters degree. that started our conversation about her difficulties writing the paper and coming up with a strong theory/arguements about the real motivations behind japanese's oda to china... i felt bad because i can feel how stressed she was thinking that she failed.

on my way home, i was still thinking about her problem with the thought that she could really finish it just in time if only she would push her self to do it. since i saw her draft report, i saw that all information are already at-hand however, she just need to sort things out and figure what does she really want to point out. i find it easy for me because i have spent my college years doing such kind of papers and even until i was already working. then i realized that i have not been using my potentials in order to pursue my dreams...

when i was still in college, my friends would always tease about my crazy dream of becoming the president of the philippines. for an average girl like me, it would take forever before i could reach that dream... though, i just consider it a crazy thought, still, some people believe that i could or might be a president of the philippines in due time... hehehe...


but as i step into the ladder of maturity, my dreams become narrower and simpler... there was even a point in my life that i do not want to do any further study because all i want is to be a housewife, raise a family, and take care of my family. i consider it as noble job but that would also mean i would throw away my career and my educational background.

however, God does have other plans for us. of all my friends, i was the one who do not have plans of going abroad because i do not want to leave my dad and our house. these are the two things that my mom requested me to take care of before she passed away. but duty calls and now i am here in japan for one year.

being here served as an eyeopener for me and gave some light to what i really want to be in the next five to ten years. though i am still in the crossroads between raising a family and being a good housewife or a career executive, one thing is for sure... i will definetely finish my studies when i get home. i also want to take a culinary course in a well-known school to add credentials to my small business. and if given the chances, i will study abroad for another masters degree or post graduate degree...

as for my mission of finding a prospective husband to be, well... it will come in due time... i hope :)

her name is yuko

i was surprised when i recieved an email from a new friend inviting me to go to roppongi for some clubbing. it was really unexpected because i only met him once and i haven't heard from him since then. the date was set saturday night around ten in the evening. meeting place: almond restuarant near exit 3 of the metro subway.

it was not hard for me to look for him in front of almond because when i got there, he was already standing in front of the restaurant talking to some of his fellow africans. he said that he just met them there while for me. they even suggested that we go to "nature" one of the bars in roppongi. so we tried to check out the place but we found out that it has already closed. since he doesn't have any idea what bar we could go, i suggested that we try gaspanc. knowing that the place is nice and the music is good, i was sure that he will enjoy the place.

and my instincts didn't fail me.. he just loved the place and the ambiance. we danced while we share a couple of beers... as time pass by, the place starts to be crowded with people of all ages and nationalities... my friend tease me because it was not only one or two but six girls that find me hot... (scary!!!) and would even say that they like me.. these girls are not tomboys, these were typical japanese young girls who hunt men.

but what caught our attention was a not-so-typical japanese girl named yuko... she really danced her heart out. she was so bubbly and cool to be with... according to my friend, among the six girls who liked me that night, she was the top one.. she utterly say that she really likes me... i just hope that her fondness is purely innocent otherwise, that would scare me to hell.

so, we spent the night dancing, drinking, and laughing with her... we even noticed that people around us keep staring at us because we are really having our good time. we didn't even noticed that it was already five in the morning until the bar became bright because all the lights were turned on as a signal that it was about to close. we promised to hang out together soon.

and before we part ways, she reminded us that her name is yuko....