Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, April 17, 2009
in japanese, it's shogonai
i thought i will not be affected or i was trying not to be affected with his situation right now... i even tried to busy myself and pretend that he never told me about it...still trying to be as cheerful as i can be especially when he calls... but the longer i keep the pain inside me, the deeper it gets into my nerves... how i wish i can have someone to share what im going through right now... as much as i want to tell him what i feel, i tried to be silent so as not to add pressure in his confused mind and feelings. i can feel its hurting me especially when i think of the possibility that we would so soon...people may say that i should trust him and i shoould believe that he loves me.. im trying to be strong to have an open mind and a believing heart. i know at times like this, i should be strong for me to be able to support him especially now that he needs me... but just as they say it in japanese, "shogonai" (i can't do anything).....
Friday, July 11, 2008
my mentor... my friend...
it started with a glass of red wine... followed by a bottle of red wine..and another bottle of red wine... and four shots of gin tonic.... that's how my special friend and i shared our first moments of friendship. over these few shots, or should i say alcoholic exchange of thoughts, we were able to learn a few things from one another... something that i haven't done since i started working...
we met because of work but i did not expect that we will be seeing each other often after that one toxic night. it was real fun being with him, fun in the sense that i did not have a single boring moment with him... we discuss a lot of things about life, work and dreams... i even consider him my mentor because he always push me to reach for my dreams and to focus on something that i love doing most.
a man with an excellent career background yet still stay humble and sweet.... he is my mentor.. and he is my friend...
we met because of work but i did not expect that we will be seeing each other often after that one toxic night. it was real fun being with him, fun in the sense that i did not have a single boring moment with him... we discuss a lot of things about life, work and dreams... i even consider him my mentor because he always push me to reach for my dreams and to focus on something that i love doing most.
a man with an excellent career background yet still stay humble and sweet.... he is my mentor.. and he is my friend...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
megamall incident
LET THIS TRUE STORY SERVE AS A WARNING
To the men: warn your loved ones !
To the women: remember this!
About a month ago there was a woman standing by the Mega Mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women.
The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her
car and discovered that she had a flat. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat. A nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said,
"I notice you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"
The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off. The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift to his car. She was a little surprised and asked him why his car was on other side. He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and visited for a while; he got turned around in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his car was clear around on the other side of the mall. The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.
She told him that she'd be happy to drive him to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be. She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened; the guard came out to her car with her, but the man
had left.
They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station. The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man). What they found was rope, duct tape and knives. When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious what the man's motive was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance.
The woman was blessed to have escaped harm. How much worse it would have been had she waited in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she had a baby strapped into a car seat. Or if she'd gone against her judgment and given him a lift.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only; but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it on to them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it.... better than sorry.
PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY! JUST A WARNING TO ALWAYS BE ALERT AND USE YOUR HEAD!!!
Pass this along to every woman you have access to. Never let your guard down. SOMETIMES, THAT FEELING IN YOUR GUT IS THE VOICE OF GOD. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!
To the men: warn your loved ones !
To the women: remember this!
About a month ago there was a woman standing by the Mega Mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women.
The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her
car and discovered that she had a flat. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat. A nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said,
"I notice you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"
The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off. The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift to his car. She was a little surprised and asked him why his car was on other side. He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and visited for a while; he got turned around in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his car was clear around on the other side of the mall. The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.
She told him that she'd be happy to drive him to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be. She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened; the guard came out to her car with her, but the man
had left.
They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station. The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man). What they found was rope, duct tape and knives. When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious what the man's motive was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance.
The woman was blessed to have escaped harm. How much worse it would have been had she waited in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she had a baby strapped into a car seat. Or if she'd gone against her judgment and given him a lift.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only; but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it on to them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it.... better than sorry.
PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY! JUST A WARNING TO ALWAYS BE ALERT AND USE YOUR HEAD!!!
Pass this along to every woman you have access to. Never let your guard down. SOMETIMES, THAT FEELING IN YOUR GUT IS THE VOICE OF GOD. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
living with expectations
when i was a little girl, my mom would always tell me how special i am for her and my dad. they say i was blessing because that time having me as baby gave some risk to my mom's health. she had to undergo ceasarian operation when she delivered her first baby which was a year older than me. but as destiny would call it, that baby got sick when she was six months old. they rushed her to her doctor and a few minutes after handling her to him, she passed away. my mom was really shuttered into pieces when she saw her first-born lying in a small box. i remember my aunt telling me how my mom would get her in that box at night and then hug her as they went to sleep together... and to cure my mom's depression, her doctor took care of her and guided her to have another baby... it was a very delicate situation for her because she needs to go another ceasarian operation when she gave birth to me. and then after me, she can no longer have another baby. 
with that in hand, i grew up living on the way how my parents would like it - protecting me not to have the same situation as my elder sister. we may not be filthy rich, but i can say that i have lived comfortably with my parents. at times we may not have a very luscious meal on the table but i grew not worrying how my life would survive day after day. my mom and dad work very hard to get me into the best school in our place. they even push me to join a lot of extra curricular activities in school and in our community. every year, my mom would spend money to buy nice gowns for the may flower festival. she said that it was her commitment to the Lord that she would dress me beautifully and join the festival as a gratitude for giving me to her and keeping me alive. it was fun at first but as i get older, i try to question my mom because she always push me to do a lot of things. she always want me to achieve academically, politically, and socially.
a few days before i graduate from college, i was still clueless of what i will do after graduation. until then, i was even clueless why i took political science at all. when people ask me why i took that course, i would always say that it was mom who filled-up my college application.
i thought things would change when i had my first job in a real nice oublic office. i thought that i have already fulfilled her expectations of me. i thought that she would stop pushing me to do more than what i think i can do. but i thought wrong. sometimes i feel bad when she tells me that i did not do my best or my best was not enough. but being a good daughter, i cannot utter a single complain about being tired of living to her expectations.
when she got hospitalized, my world fell into pieces because i was caught unguard of the situation. in a split second, everything was my responsibility. i grew up just thinking about simple things but at that moment, all the people around me depend on me especially my mom who was struggling for her life. i remember her saying that she can endure any pain and would obey all the doctor's order because she knows that i am around to be with her. that moment bacame worse when we led her to her final destination. i tried not to cry infront of my family especially my dad because i felt that they rely on me. i have to be strong for them otherwise, everything would fall apart.
i can say that i acted well because people believe that i have coped with her loss in a short time. but lately, i realized that i was beginning to fall down bit by bit. i became tired of doing my best and i became tired of living with other people's expectations. i came to a point that i just want to do nothing. even up to now, i am still struggling between being carefree and being responsible. a lot of times i do not want to go to work because i feel that i am being exploited and uncompensated for doing a hard work.
while i was watching a movie from my laptop awhile ago, i can see myself in the actress' story. i was able to relate how hard and scary it was for her to live with the expectations of others. she tried to rebel on it but then she realized that it would only do her worse. when she tried to embrace it, she realized that it was not bad after all.
one way or the other, that story has hit me. i may not have the courage to rebel to my mom when she was alive but at some point in my life, i did rebel when she was gone doing things that i know would hurt me in the end. i felt happy doing some crazy stuff but at the end of the day i felt emptiness inside me. if only my mom is beside me right now, she would tell me that i have not been in my best for the past three years. i have all the opportunities to make change but i did nothing about it. i was like a working machine jsut fulfulling my duty in order to get paid but my passion for doing my best was gone. at this very moment, i was not even happy working to other country. when i accepted the offer, i did not do it because i am glad to but i see it as an obligation for me to accomplish. maybe it was also a way for me to be away of the daily responsibilities in my family. but seeing the said movie made me realize that there are a lot of things that i could do to change other people's lives making it better for them to be encourage to continue living. it's just up to me whether i embrace that chance or just bum around letting than chance pass... and i decided to embrace that chance. i may not became famous for that but atleast when i get old, i would have some legacy to leave from my youth. something that i could share with my grandchildren, if ever i would have grandchildren in the future. :)
with that in hand, i grew up living on the way how my parents would like it - protecting me not to have the same situation as my elder sister. we may not be filthy rich, but i can say that i have lived comfortably with my parents. at times we may not have a very luscious meal on the table but i grew not worrying how my life would survive day after day. my mom and dad work very hard to get me into the best school in our place. they even push me to join a lot of extra curricular activities in school and in our community. every year, my mom would spend money to buy nice gowns for the may flower festival. she said that it was her commitment to the Lord that she would dress me beautifully and join the festival as a gratitude for giving me to her and keeping me alive. it was fun at first but as i get older, i try to question my mom because she always push me to do a lot of things. she always want me to achieve academically, politically, and socially.
a few days before i graduate from college, i was still clueless of what i will do after graduation. until then, i was even clueless why i took political science at all. when people ask me why i took that course, i would always say that it was mom who filled-up my college application.
i thought things would change when i had my first job in a real nice oublic office. i thought that i have already fulfilled her expectations of me. i thought that she would stop pushing me to do more than what i think i can do. but i thought wrong. sometimes i feel bad when she tells me that i did not do my best or my best was not enough. but being a good daughter, i cannot utter a single complain about being tired of living to her expectations.
when she got hospitalized, my world fell into pieces because i was caught unguard of the situation. in a split second, everything was my responsibility. i grew up just thinking about simple things but at that moment, all the people around me depend on me especially my mom who was struggling for her life. i remember her saying that she can endure any pain and would obey all the doctor's order because she knows that i am around to be with her. that moment bacame worse when we led her to her final destination. i tried not to cry infront of my family especially my dad because i felt that they rely on me. i have to be strong for them otherwise, everything would fall apart.
i can say that i acted well because people believe that i have coped with her loss in a short time. but lately, i realized that i was beginning to fall down bit by bit. i became tired of doing my best and i became tired of living with other people's expectations. i came to a point that i just want to do nothing. even up to now, i am still struggling between being carefree and being responsible. a lot of times i do not want to go to work because i feel that i am being exploited and uncompensated for doing a hard work.
while i was watching a movie from my laptop awhile ago, i can see myself in the actress' story. i was able to relate how hard and scary it was for her to live with the expectations of others. she tried to rebel on it but then she realized that it would only do her worse. when she tried to embrace it, she realized that it was not bad after all.
one way or the other, that story has hit me. i may not have the courage to rebel to my mom when she was alive but at some point in my life, i did rebel when she was gone doing things that i know would hurt me in the end. i felt happy doing some crazy stuff but at the end of the day i felt emptiness inside me. if only my mom is beside me right now, she would tell me that i have not been in my best for the past three years. i have all the opportunities to make change but i did nothing about it. i was like a working machine jsut fulfulling my duty in order to get paid but my passion for doing my best was gone. at this very moment, i was not even happy working to other country. when i accepted the offer, i did not do it because i am glad to but i see it as an obligation for me to accomplish. maybe it was also a way for me to be away of the daily responsibilities in my family. but seeing the said movie made me realize that there are a lot of things that i could do to change other people's lives making it better for them to be encourage to continue living. it's just up to me whether i embrace that chance or just bum around letting than chance pass... and i decided to embrace that chance. i may not became famous for that but atleast when i get old, i would have some legacy to leave from my youth. something that i could share with my grandchildren, if ever i would have grandchildren in the future. :)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
missing home
it has been two months now since i left manila and fly to yokohama.... my first few days in japan has been very challenging yet fun... first, the weather: april should be springtime but as i go to work everyday i need to overcome the cold strong wind and the heavy rain... second, being alone all by myself: i may look independent but being alone here in a strange place gave a new meaning to the word independent since it's my first time to be really away from home. its like waking up everyday morning without someone to wish for a great day or going to bed without someone to chat how your day was. there is also the fun side of being independent... designing your own pad and deciding what to cook for lunch and dinner... fourth, the beautiful places: there are a lot to see in yokohama and elsewhere in japan.. i fear that i may not have enough time to visit the must sees in the land of the rising sun. fifth, realizing the beauty of home: as i go to different places and meet new friends, at the end of the day you'll realize that there is no real place like home...
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