in japanese, it's shogonai

i thought i will not be affected or i was trying not to be affected with his situation right now... i even tried to busy myself and pretend that he never told me about it...still trying to be as cheerful as i can be especially when he calls... but the longer i keep the pain inside me, the deeper it gets into my nerves... how i wish i can have someone to share what im going through right now... as much as i want to tell him what i feel, i tried to be silent so as not to add pressure in his confused mind and feelings. i can feel its hurting me especially when i think of the possibility that we would so soon...people may say that i should trust him and i shoould believe that he loves me.. im trying to be strong to have an open mind and a believing heart. i know at times like this, i should be strong for me to be able to support him especially now that he needs me... but just as they say it in japanese, "shogonai" (i can't do anything).....

kitchen fascination

i have this fascination with kitchen utensils that every time i have the chance to go to a supermarket or department store, the first place that i would always visit is the kitchen corner. i love seeing the different designs, shapes and colors of plates and glasses and the variety of baking utensils. while i was browsing my payperpost page, i saw that there is an opportunity for writing about rustic furnitures. i was browsing at the given website and what caught my attention is their walnut cutting board with different shapes and style. each cutting board was made like an artifact because of its stylish presentation without sacrificing its real purpose - a kitchen tool...

when things go wrong...

i was awaken by a call from Sam earlier this morning... he said he just got out of the plane from his trip in singapore... he usually do that everytime he goes out of the country...we had our usual talk updating each other about the things we did since the last time we talked and the schedule that we will have for the rest of the day.. but after sometime, he to ld me that he needs to tell me something important and he wants to be honest me all the time... the moment he said that, i felt that its something that is not right... gathering all my strength, i was able to give him the signal to start... he said that he received a call from his ex-girlfriend on the afternoon of Easter Sunday.. he said he was suprised because after a few years without communication, she returned and was asking if they could still be together. he said he can't because he is seeing somebody else right now....
hearing this from him was sweet knowing that he has been honest to me and to the girl that he has me as his girlfriend..but when he said that the girl willing to wait for him... i started to fear that i might be losing him... when i asked him if he still loves his ex, he said he don't know... and he needs time to assess himself about the situation. i thought i would be okay but as time passes by, im starting to feel uneasy... when he said that he needs time to think i know that he just want to make sure that his ex is not making a fun of him.. but at the back of mind, im starting to think that i might lose him... and when the time comes that he decides to leave me, i dont know how to handle it... all i know is that i will be hurting too much because im too much afraid to lose him...